Losing someone

It is such a horrible feeling to lose someone….

The second news I heard today came from Ed who told me that one of the uncles in my Indonesian has passed away this morning at 3 a.m. To be honest, I was shocked but wasn’t thinking about it too much. Yet as the day progressed, I started to think about it more and more. This particular uncle has been active in the church for many years, maybe even a decade. He has worked and helped us in so many wonderful ways. Just last Easter, which just about a month ago, he stayed til the very end to help me and my team clean. A few days after that he came to my mom’s see-you-later dinner and that’s when I last saw him. He’s truly a great figure in the church and I’m sure his presence will be missed.

It got me thinking about the world in general. I’m so scared, I’m even trembling right now just to think about losing the people I love. My parents, my sisters, my friends, Ed, and others whom I have had contact with. I’m not scared of my own death though, maybe because I don’t believe in the existence of Heaven nor hell. I believe that once a person is dead, s/he is truly dead and his/her ashes will just be blown away with the wind. Yet I can’t imagine how I am going to be losing the people I truly care about. Even these few days I have been feeling lost and weak without the presence of my family here and my best friend, what more if they’re really gone for forever…… I don’t know how I’m going to survive through it. 

All I can say now is, 
Rest in Peace, Om Anton. 

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