No Twirls

It’s funny how our memory works eh. I always thought I have a pretty vivid memory of certain events that I hold dearly, such as: my travels with my family, my performances (yes, I was quite a confident kid), my elementary school’s friends, and many other things. Yet today, reality checks in. I don’t remember everything I thought I remembered. 

Ever since I’ve dated Ed (… so about 20-months now) I’ve been telling him about my skating performance and been trying to find the video that has it. I remembered the performance (which I did when I was like 6 years old) to be a super fun one, with lots of jumping, twirling, and skating all over the place. I remembered it took more at least five minutes as I was actually pretty committed to the practice and there’s no way I only performed for two minutes. But I did. The footage proved it to me. The first part of the show worked in parallel with my memory but I didn’t remember falling down, nor did I remember of just going back and forth a couple of times with no cool tricks. 

I guess ever since I was a kid, I have been telling these stories repeatedly in my head and overtime, these stories have grown into what I believed what happened. I have built my own reality based on what happened. This is good to a certain extent. I was able to get over what I did wrong and focused on what’s in the present and future. Yet it also clearly reflected why can’t I skate well today. I always thought maybe with a little more practice, I can just un-rust my skating skills which I know I have buried somewhere inside me. But now, it all made sense. I couldn’t skate even back when I thought I could, I was only faking it for my own sake without realizing that it would all hit me back in the face again someday. 

Here’s what I learnt just by watching my old footages: you can fake a skill or build your own reality, but it doesn’t stick. Work your ass to build a real reality that you can share with everybody else in the world. It’s easier to lie your way through life, but you’ll be surprised how much harder the lie will hit you later on.

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